On a side note I needed to air out some things I have been thinking lately and can’t seem to figure out. Last night during our Monday usual, Brian brought up some conversation regarding some older music styles like drum and bass, ragga and other variations of breakbeat. I started to think about how I haven’t heard Brian talk about dance music more than just a sec or more in quite some time and how odd that he would be bringing up DnB. During his conversation, I started to contemplate where Brian had begun as with most of the people I know, there passion comes from their start in the dance music scene. I was thinking how music was similar for me as well. Drum and Bass was more breakbeat/jungle then when so many genres were still a part of a primordial sludge generally referred to as TECHNO. Now, I know everyone is different and everyone has their own path to take in life but when I see someone with great talent, I feel obligated to give that extra push in hopes that something great comes of it. I thought I gave Brian that push but I guess his passion lies elsewhere. Brian has done well for himself on the point of djing, but our diversion from the DnB conversation to the idea of his career was brought about when Dirty brought in his mix for us to listen to and I asked him, “Where would you intend to play a set like this?”

At this point, I could see where all of us at the bar might get our feelings hurt (I was made privy to this fact when I was in Chicago and was told I was way too sensitive and that must be a Memphis thing – of course this hurt my feelings). Since Chicago, I have learned to be a bit more straight forward with people because if not the point would get lost in the emotional turmoil caused by such a question as this. I’m not sure where my prospering intentions for Brian’s career got lost but over the years Brian’s view of me has changed somewhat from the earlier days of our friendship. I have to think this because of what was said next, “Oh gawd, here he goes…”. Perhaps my question was misinterpreted or maybe he didn’t think I appreciated Chris’s mix, or even perhaps that he thought his artistic interpretation of the mix was being challenged, who knows?

My point wasn’t even a point, it was just a question. The reason for asking was that I was questioning my own purpose, my own reasons for djing. I wanted to know what his intentions were of the mix. One might ask, why do you question one’s artist nature? I do so because I want to understand my passion for what I love. Im always at odds inside with where I am and where i’m going, what is perceived as popular and what is not, and what I want versus what everyone else wants. Chris’s mix was great. Smoothly programmed, well mixed and groovy all at the same time. His mix however was, well, chill. There in lies the issue which raised my question. I wasn’t questioning his artistic purpose but i was interested in his inspiration.

I am driven by a force that I can’t explain. I could try to describe it to you but i’d come off sounding like a religious freak and i’m far from religious. It’s like being pushed, similar to your car that wont start and you have to get a friend to push you with their car to the first pull off. Am I making sense? The force is something deep within me that comes out when I hear a sound or have a feeling. It is intense yet soothing. I wish there was a word that would encompass it all but anxious is as close as it gets. This feeling makes me excited and hyper but focused. I causes the music I make to be mainly fast, hard and driving. Thats is why I am the dj I am. Im about energy and the immediate dispersion of it. Techno and whatever sub-genre you might want to say I dabble in is the perfect fit for me and its where I call home. Over the last 15 years I have experienced so many different facets of Techno its so hard to put a cap on it and say, here it is, this is me. I love so many different styles and other genres as well. House, Breaks, Chill Out, Jazz, Ambient, Two-Step….. Rock, Reggae, Top 40, and even HipHop. Its always Techno that I come back to. My career has revolved around it and evolved from it. When I make a mix or play a show, its that force that pushes me.

When I asked Dirty that question my reason was this. I make mixes to relay that energy. They spread the music I play, representing me and the force behind me, more or less. It’s the hope that someone will not only get the mix but enjoy it so much, sooner or later, i’ll get a gig from it. As a dj, I have come to accept that I am playing a song created by someone else and combining it with another person’s song to create a fluid atmosphere of music. I try to make that atmosphere closely resemble how I feel when i’m affected by that driving force I mentioned earlier.

I love chill out more than most and some people don’t know that about me. Chill, Down tempo or more subdued mixes appeal to that part of me as Chris’s had. His mix was not ambient by any means but yes, it was more subdued than I would have imagined. I was unclear why he would submit such a chill mix to Proton when my goal would have been to try create a prime time set to represent the energy that would have been my best moment as a dj. I know, I know….. we are different people and we all have different ideas, like I said before. Thats what makes Chris him, and me , me. I wanted to know his inspiration for making that mix and why he used it for proton. “Where would you intend to play a set like this?”

I guess I will close with this thought. I’m always at odds with myself and the music I play. When is the best time to play this track or that track. When Do I say to hell with it and play what I want to play regardless of whether people will like it or not. Sometimes, I guess its just about doing what you want regardless of the out come. Play some ambient at a 1am slot or some 160 bpm DnB at 10pm. Submit a mix to a big EDM station thats nothing but indie and folk, how do you get a gig at a house event when you play techno music, what do you play for a crowd who only wants to hear the dj after you and how do you promote to a scene that doesn’t like your music ….. who knows. I don’t have the answer, and my guess is no one does. I’ll move along and continue on with my never ending pursuit of dj happiness.